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In the absence of anything like this, and to celebrate the booming voice of this larger-than-life man, I present to you the International Talk Like Brian Blessed Day, which I have designated as October 9 (which is his birthday).
For those of you who don't know Brian Blessed...SHAME!!!
Feel free to post suggestions for talking like Brian Blessed, or just go out and practice it on some unsuspecting random folk in your neighbourhood.
"OH CALAMITY! OH HOWL, HOWL, HOWL!! BLBLBLBLBLB!! CRY HAVOC, AND LET SLIP THE DOGS OF WAR! I COULD HAVE FARTED THAT IN! THE GREAT STEAMING PILLOCK!!!" —BRIAN BLESSED Giving Snooker Commentary.
What?!? Heavy Metal covers of pop songs? Are you insane? That's too daggy for heavy metal.
Yeah yeah, get over yourself. There are a lot of metal groups doing covers of pop songs. Mostly they are fun, and (egad!) catchy (gasp!), sometimes they are sheer massacres of the originals (Ten Masked Men, anyone?). And sometimes, they are solid gold. Now that's real heavy metal right there.
Here's a playlist I whipped up when doing a couple of Metal Goes Pop shows on my weekly metal radio show. Filmclips when I found them, all linked with much respect.
My Top 40 Metal covers of Pop songs starts here.
Mr. Sandman (The Cordettes) Blind Guardian
Blind Guardian kick off this list with this memorable little ditty from The Cordettes.
In The Air Tonight (Phil Collins) Nonpoint
A seriously good Phil Collins metal cover? I wouldn't have thought so either. Nonpoint proved me wrong.
Land Of Confusion (Genesis) Disturbed
This works. Good cover, and good original.
Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic (The Police) Ra
Another catchy cover, chunked up.
In The Court Of The Crimson King (King Crimson) Saxon
I would never have imagined Saxon could do such an authentic cover of a King Crimson song. Proved wrong again.
Rasputin (Boney M) Turisas
Solid Gold! the filmclip is a classic, and an instruction on dramatic entrances.
Can You Forgive Her? (The Pet Shop Boys) Finntroll
The Pet Shop Boys get Folk Metal-ized, courtesy of the irrepressable Finntroll.
Logical Song (Supertramp) At Vance
Logical choice.
The Neverending Story (Limahl) Dragonland
The Daggy-o-meter has just broken!
Cars (Gary Numan) Fear Factory
Better than the original?
It's A Sin (The Pet Shop Boys) Gamma Ray
German power metal cover of The Pet Shop Boys, to balance out Finntroll.
Rock Me Amadeus (Falco) Megaherz
Solid chunk!
Crazy (Seal) Mushroomhead
Crazy by Mushroomhead set to Transformers clips. You know you want it.
Mongoloid (Devo) Sepultura
A bit monotone, but searing and heavy nonetheless.
Ghostbusters (Ray Parker Jr) Vomitron
A brilliant no-respect version. Silly as all hell!
Losing My Religion (REM) Graveworm
Black metal cover of REM? Sure, why not?
Unbelievable (Epsom Mad Funkers) Anal Cunt
Utter massacre as only Anal Cunt can. Awful version, which makes it soooo good!
Oops! I Did It Again (Brittney Spears) Children Of Bodom
The hoik and spit at the start says it all. No remorse.
Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen) Bad News
Bad News give Queen a serving, and terrorize this classic pop anthem, with a little help from producer Brian May.
Another Brick In The Wall (Pink Floyd) Korn
Seriously good effort, and chunky guitars from Korn.
Welcome To The Machine (Pink Floyd) Shadows Fall
Another Pink Floyd classic falls victim to a metal cover.
Cry Me A River (Justin Timberlake) Ten Masked Men
Ten Masked Men specialize in Metal Pop covers. Bless.
Who's That Girl (The Eurythmics) Mandrake
This works. All good.
The Lotus Eaters (Dead Can Dance) Imperia
A Metal Band taking on Dead Can Dance is a brave endeavour, I reckon. This is a good one.
White Wedding (Billy Idol) Deathstars
Doro has done a somewhat famous cover of this song, but I reckon the Deathstars did a better job.
Scarborough Fair (English Traditional Medieval Ballad, popularized by Simon & Garfunkel) Queensryche
Geoff Tate has an amazing voice, and is suitable to tackle the big songs.
Blue Monday (New Order) Orgy
Another song begging for a chunky cover.
Love Will Tear Us Apart (Joy Division) Moonspell
Not quite as bleak as the original (and who wants to go there), but Moonspell are an obvious choice for a cover.
Vienna (Ultravox) Celestial Season
A solid doom metal cover of this new romantic classic.
Shout 2000 (Tears For Fears) Disturbed
Another Disturbed cover. Should they stick with just covers, and join Metallica? (Wake the trolls and start the flame war!)
My Sharona (The Knack) Destruction
German Thrash smash The Knack!
Red Rain (Peter Gabriel) Queensryche
One epic voice covering another. 'Nuff said.
(Oh) Pretty Woman (Roy Orbison) Van Halen
Van Halen made this song their own. But what about that clip?
Message In A Bottle (The Police) Machine Head
The Police never sounded so good. Or maybe they did.
Come Together (The Beatles) Aerosmith
A classic band covering a classic band.
Stayin' Alive (The Bee Gees) Ten Masked Men
Ten Masked Men do it again. The lip-synching in this clip is awesome!
The Sounds Of Silence (Simon & Garfunkel) Heir Apparent
Forgotten gem of a cover from the 80's
Wicked Game (Chris Isaak) HIM
For the record, I can't stand HIM as a band. And I love Chris Isaak. So, on paper, I would have thought this combination a disaster. But it's actually a half-decent cover. There are a few versions, and a few clips (all of which are awful), but the later version is better.
Kids In America (Kim Wilde) Lawnmower Deth
A fun frantic cover.
Light My Fire (The Doors) Amorphis
Death metal voice and authentic synths? The Doors deserve nothing less.
Bonus Cover: All The Things She Said (t.A.T.u.) The Berzerker
The cover isn't a great one, but the clip is solid gold! Enjoy!!
Last night, Ross Knight and Dean Muller from the Cosmic Psychos, came in to the Phoenix FM studio, and wrecked my life. By that, I mean, they sat in on the show, where we had a good old chat about stuff, and they guest-programmed the show.
The Cosmic Psychos need no introduction in Australia. They are a legendary underground band, cited with influencing major bands in the Seattle grunge scene, and Yob Rock pioneers, as well as single-handedly keeping Australia's beer-brewing industries afloat.
The boys and I had a yarn about Death Metal, Ball-gags, cleaning products and vomit tours of Germany, among other riveting subjects.
Here is the playlist for the show, as compiled by Ross and Dean, with a few suggestions by yours truly.
Lost Cause - The Cosmic Psychos Pub - The Cosmic Psychos Anarchy In The U.K. - The Sex Pistols Atomic Punk - Van Halen Sonic Reducer - Dead Boys Satan's Undies - The Cosmic Psychos Cum On Feel The Noize - Slade Motorhead - Motorhead 20 Pot Screamer - The Cosmic Psychos Down On The Street - The Stooges Rock Bottom - Kiss Hell Raiser - The Sweet Lost And Found - The Saints Skirtlifter - The Cosmic Psychos Most People I Know - The Cosmic Psychos
As the Dark Knight Rises fades rapidly from my memory (having watched it only last night), I decided to put down in words my impression of the last installment of the current trilogy of Batman movies. Well, the two words that sprang to mind as I walked out of the cinema were 'Awful', and 'Tedious'.
Before I go on and offer my two cents worth, I should point out that I'm not a regular Batman comic collector as such. I did collect for awhile, then decided to stop when, after killing off Robin, DC comics decided a bit later to re-introduce another Robin. Boo, you suck, goodbye. Now I grab the odd trade that comes out, aiming for quality stories. So I'm no 'Bat-purist' with a bat-axe to bat-grind, but unless you're a regular Batman collector and/or have a Batman costume and matching bedspread, chances are that I have more Batman comics than you do, so I do have a reasonable grounding in the Batman mythos, bitches.
As far as the movies go, I guess that makes me more open to creative interpretation of key characters. Heath Ledger's interpretation of The Joker was the movie-saver for the second movie. It was good, but, let's face it, it wasn't Grammy winning, or Oscar winning, or whatever the hell it is that he posthumously won for the job. He only got it because he'd died. Calm down, people. Put your clothes back on.
Now, before I launch an all-out attack on this overly long piece of cinematic crap, I'll give points to what I liked. Memory, don't fail me now...
There was a funny line from Bane (and that there is probably warning enough that there's something wrong with the movie. But I digress...). When he and his cronies (why does every single Batman villain always have cronies? Spider-man never had to deal with that crap) walk into Wall Street, or the Gotham equilavent thereof, and one trader confronts Bane, saying something to the effect of 'You can't steal anything here, there's no money', Bane replies, 'Then why are you here?' Word.
Um...oh I did think the revelation of Talia Al Ghul's identity was done well. Marion Cotillard went from her cover to Talia, and looked a completely different woman. I thing she used...acting. Marion looked like she meant the shit when she stabbed Batman after he'd finally smacked down Bane. This is not how I remember her from the comics, but...hey, creative interpretation and all that. She was well cast, I thought. Unlike...well, nearly everyone else, really.
Anything else? Um...nope. Can't remember anything else. Everything else was crap.
Confession time. I don't like Christian Bale's Batman. Further confession time. I've not liked any movie actor's Batman. So maybe I'm just too difficult to please. Or maybe Batman is just too difficult to portray on cinema. But back to Christian Bale. As an actor, I've liked him in other movies. He was great in 'The Prestige', as a child actor he was good in 'Empire of the Sun' (but, then again, I'm a huge J G Ballard fan). But as Batman? He doesn't carry it. I hate that awful voice he puts on. It's embarrasing. If he's gonna talk like that, at least put corpse-paint on, grab a guitar and pretent to be in a Norwegian Black Metal Band. But don't pull that silly shit on Batman.
And that's another thing about this movie. Way too much Bruce Wayne, nowhere near enough Batman. What was the name of the movie again? Bruce Wayne Whinges and Moans Again? What no cinema director of Batman has realized about the Bruce Wayne/Batman dynamic can be summed up in one panel from Grant Morrison's 'Arkham Asylum' graphic novel. When Bats has been coerced into being trapped in Arkham Asylum with the other loonies (yes, the OTHER loonies, you heard me), a faceless inmate suggests to the Joker, 'I say we take his mask off. I want to see his real face'. To which the Joker replies, 'Oh, don't be so predictable, for christ's sake! That is his real face.' Yep, Bruce Wayne is the mask, Batman is what's real. In a way that isn't true for any other superhero. And how many people in this movie know who Bruce Wayne really is? Wiki-leaks has alot to answer for...
I mean, seriously, who doesn't know 'Bruce Wayne' is Batman by the end of the movie? I swear that busload of kids all knew who he was. Oh, that's right, he's gonna kill off 'Batman' and become Bruce Wayne off in another country with his girl in tow (no prizes for guessing who that ends up being), to fulfill that little emotionally manipulative fantasy of Alfred's to end the movie. Sure, nobody will recognise billionaire philanthropist Bruce Wayne in another country. Incognito my arse. Great deduction there from 'The World's Greatest Detective'. Oh yeah, that's right, he's a renowned detective. How much detective work do you remember him doing in these movies? Nope, me neither.
Speaking of whinging and moaning, Michael Caine seemed to spend half of the movie crying, and the other half absent. Alfred went emo. CRAP! Get a grip! And his home-spun straight-talking, folky down to earth wisdom which served so well in the first movie, by the third was coming across as tiring and annoying. His collection of his inheritance from the Wayne Estate seemed like a rip-off from 'Undercover Boss' (Here's your extra pittance for wasting your life serving my billions of dollars you moaning prick!). And Morgan Freeman's portrayal of whatever-his-name-was, (again, refreshing in the first movie) was tired by this movie. He was the Q to the Bond-esque nature of these 3 movies, which is probably why I didn't really connect with any of these movies. The opening scene of this movie screamed 'Bond', and his arsenal of toys and tanks, etc, moved him into the realm of 'Bond' and away from detective work and bokko which even the '60's movie (for all it's campness) managed to adhere to.
And speaking of not liking characters, Bane and Cat-woman. Groan.
Bane. Let's start with this Rhodes-scholar terrorist. This movie was a battle of the terrible voices. Bane's voice was awful, nearly as bad as Batman's. At least you could make out what Batman was saying. I missed half of Bane's surprisingly eloquent and verbally acrobatic monologues. Didn't care really, I was too busy stifling yawns. What the hell is it with Bane anyway? My understanding of Bane as a 'character' was a one-off device introduced to break Batman's back and retire him from active service so as to introduce a bat-family and gouge more money from bat-freaks. That's my limited understanding of Bane, apart from what was referenced in the 'Arkham Asylum' game (and Joker/Bane did look cool in that at the end). So what did I miss? How accurate is all this other crap in the movie to the comic book character? Coz to me, he seemed like a complete mis-match of a character, with nothing in his movie background to explain his eloquent monologues. I would have been happy with him playing the steroid freak he looked like. Oh, and as for the 'back-breaking' moment in the movie, don't blink or you'll miss it. Fail.
Cat-woman? Don't get me started. The Femme Fatale ideally should be someone with a tragic streak that draws in the male lead despite his better judgement, and ideally ours. Fail on both accounts. The only things tragic about Anne Hathaway's Cat-woman was the two expressions she jumped between, and the lack of bending-over-in-hot-costume action which would have served as the consolation prize for playing Catwoman in such a shallow manner. There was no chemistry between Bale and Hathaway at all, and every instinct from my perspective was screaming 'Bang her, she's hot!'. For a great re-interpretation of Selina Kyle, check out the Batman graphic novel 'Nine Lives' which is a seriously under-rated Batman Graphic Novel. She would have been a great Black Cat for Spider-Man, but Black Cat was a cheap knock-off of Cat-Woman in any event. Oh well...
Original plot devices? I'd called most of them before they happened (No rope...), (oh wait, he did fix the auto-pilot after all), (oh no, it's not that truck after all!) etc etc. And the movie clocked in at 6 and a half hours, or at least it felt like it. Way too slow, way too long, emotionally under-whelming and obviously manipulative (through emo Alfred). Nothing clicked for me, and I thought tying in the whole Occupy Wall Street vibe was handled clumsily and artlessly.
Just on a personal note, to finish up, as far as Bane's little 'uprising' speech, to get the masses behind him for his little 'revolution', this fell flat for me. The whole villain plan to change the world was dealt a mortal blow 26 years ago in 'Watchmen'. I suppose Alan Moore raised the bar too high with Watchmen as far as villain plans go. When you have a villain make a dastardly plan that actually rationally makes sense under the circumstances, and shows super-heroes as lacking vision for attempting to oppose the grand scheme in the first place, (and worse, actually making the world a worse place were they to have succeeded) then Bane's call for 'revolution' seemd empty and re-hashed. How about introducing a compelling case for changing the world? That's what made Magneto in the X-Men movies (and comics) so compelling. Because, as much as you could argue with his method, his rationale was perfectly understandable, and one with which pretty much anyone could sympathise with. Bane? snore...
So where to now for the Dark Knight? Right now, my head hurts from this under-whelming cinematic experience. I think I'll dive into my graphic novels again and remind myself why I do love Batman, because this movie has me wondering. And ultimately, that's no good, now is it.
Superheroes and villains swarmed to Melbourne on June 30 and July 1st for the Melbourne Comicon, and had a Hero-gasm of epic proportions (apologies to The Boys). Costumes were everywhere, and the theme for the day was waiting in queues. Stan Lee was the major comic-related drawcard for the weekend, and Patrick Stewart was there to placate the Trekkies. The following pictures were taken on the Saturday, as I spent Sunday walking around in my own costume. Unsurprisingly, superhero costumes have no space available for things like wallets, cameras, keys, etc. Quite liberating really, but also good for missing out on taking photos of costumes from day 2, including a fantastic female Loki. Enjoy the show.
The Fighting 501st, Terror Australis division, were out in 'force'
(groan), posing in front of their giant blister-pack.
Still looking for droids...
They missed this one...
want...new...i...phone...
hmmm...
All good, but check out Baby Darth behind Adult Darth. Kawaii!!!
Darth Vader on acid? No, just Skeletor...
Time out for the COD chaps...
And lest we forget that this was supposed to be a comicon, here's a Captain America, to save the day...or maybe just pose a little...
Oh, wait...the villains are posing as well...
The Avengers...team 5
Thor. 'nuff said.
Two-Face and Harley Quinn looking for Batman. But maybe just a quick pose first...
And a few of the X-Men out for a stroll...er...pose...
Thrash legends Hobbs' Angel of Death smashed Bendigo on the 23rd of June, 2012. They'll be heading off to Europe soon, and the stage show they'll be taking with them is a riot! Watch out for the centurion on stage!
Maniaxe were blistering, with their old skool thrash attack!
One of the support acts, Belligerent Intent, returned to Bendigo. Their album is out now.
Like alot of enthusiastic photographers and celestial events follower, I was keen to catch the Transit of Venus on the 6th of June, 2012. And I was lucky enough to hook up with members of the local Astronomical group, who had a telescope aimed at the event, in ham radio contact with other like-minded folk who kindly allowed me to attach my camera to their telescope and snap some 'last chance to see in our lifetime' shots of the Transit of Venus.
We had clear weather, for the most part, and the view was great!
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